He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He? As in you personified your dick?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
