38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
false alarm, still single
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
