dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
