he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize