Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
