hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
