i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
