he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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