Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
