So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
