Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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