I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
