My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she smelled like a LAN party
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
