I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
