I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
