We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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