I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
