this boner is exhausting
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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