I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize