I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
