YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
