Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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