i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
