Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
