New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize