marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
