worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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