Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
