I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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