My hand turned me down
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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