Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
