i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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