She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
