Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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