Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize