Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
