I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
