apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
