Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She said her name was "party"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
