I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
