Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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