"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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