I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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