we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
