May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
