Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
