if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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