i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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