People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
