Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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