Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
