I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
