the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
