My balls are so social today.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
