two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
