meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
