Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
