apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
