So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
