I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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