Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
