So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
