That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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