The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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