I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
