As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
