shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
