K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
