please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
