if you like me you must not know who I am
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
