Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
