I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
